My Life Lately

Why is breast feeding so hard?!  Seriously, for something that's supposed to be so natural, it's ridiculously tough!  Every time we have a breakthrough, it seems we then take ten steps backward.

Since Nathaniel was born at 37 weeks, he already was put at a disadvantage for nursing, but add in the sixteen hours in the NICU being bottle fed first, and we've really got some issues. 

Initially, he wouldn't really latch at all.  If he did latch, he would just look up at me like, "OK, where's the milk?"  Over the past three weeks I've been pumping around the clock.  He's been bottle fed and I try to latch him at most feedings.  Sometimes it worked, but most times it didn't.  We really have made considerable progress.  I can usually get him to latch now.  I can even get him to feed for a little while.  But, he doesn't really latch properly and he's a bit sadistic.  I've nick named him Mr. Chompy.  Yeah, it's pretty painful.  I've lost skin. 

Anyway, I know that this is such a first world problem, but it's really stressful.  I just want to feed my baby the way I was meant to!  I have a great supply, so there's no issue there.  I have every intention of sticking with it, but sometimes it just gets really old. 

We went to a support group today and he nursed while we were there.  There was some chomping, but it wasn't horrible.  There was a little glimmer of hope.  Then I came home and nursed him a little more.  I don't know why, but when I nursed him twice, he spit up three times.  He usually doesn't spit up much.  A few hours later I tried nursing him again.  He just screamed bloody murder the whole time.  The same thing happened the next time I tried.  It really wears on me.

I really just want to get him nursing full-time.  Having to change him, feed him, pump, and clean the pumping supplies every few hours gets old, especially during the night.  By the time I do all that, I only have one or two hours to sleep before it's time to do it again.  Not having to pump every time would cut things in half, which would be awesome.

OK, enough complaining already.  Jesse has been super supportive, and still gets up to feed him most nights, so that it won't take me as long to do everything.  I have a perfect, sweet little angel baby.  He's gaining weight and his face is almost entirely a normal skin color.  I am healing extremely well.  I stopped taking my pain meds and using all the stuff they gave me at the hospital after two weeks.  I am super grateful that everything has worked out so well.  I just can't wait until we conquer this!

I promise my next post won't be a downer or a bunch of complaining!